Tributes and whatnot

Fast forward to Day 5

2007-06-25T17:44:00.001-05:00

Wow, sorry that I forgot to keep you updated. That sorry is for you Kate, my one faithful reader. I will now attempt a quick recap:

Day 2:
Smooth moves tea woke me up early on my day off. It is so unsatisfying to wake up knowing that you will be starting your day off with a quart of salt water. I tried the Celtic Gray Sea Salt- it is a little milder and easier to drink down, but still not pleasant by any means. It took me about an hour to drink the quart.
The lemonade tastes so good after the salt water. I have a pretty bad headache on the left side of my head, but I am feeling awake (usually doesn't happen without caffeine). I actually had a pretty productive morning of doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen in between runs to the bathroom.
I laid around most of the afternoon- saw Knocked Up (I highly recommend it!) and then watched Hotel Rwanda with Michael. I didn't bring my nalgene of lemonade to the movie theater, and I really missed it. We hung out at Amy and Eric's at night- it was fun, but I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch early. By the time we got home it was after midnight and we still had to make lemonade- didn't get to bed until after 2.

Day 3:
Slept until closer to 9 (probably because I drank the tea so late). I squeezed a little bit of lemon juice into my salt water flush, and it helped so much. I drank the whole thing in about 25 minutes. I'm not sure why, but the effects of todays salt water flush lasted a lot longer than the previous two days, about 3 hours. Good thing it is a weekend.
Played volleyball all afternoon, and I had plenty of energy. It is pretty amazing, I actually feel like I have more energy now than I did before beginning this cleanse. I did end up passing out on the couch from 7-8:45 in the evening, but that is really not too out of the ordinary. Saw A Mighty Heart- another awesome movie. I craved meat all day long today. I want nothing more than a juicy burger.

Day 4:
Pretty much the same as Day 3. Salt water flush in the morning, volleyball all afternoon. Made more lemonade tonight, ended up with about 60 oz of juice from 10 lbs of lemons. Still really wanting some meat.

Day 5:
I hated life when my alarm went off at 5 this morning, but once I got out of bed and made the salt water flush, I was feeling much better. I drank almost the whole thing in about 10 minutes- so proud of myself! Had some lemonade breakfast and headed off to school. Again, this is all amazing because ordinarily I would need some heavy doses of caffeine to be awake at this hour.
I am used to eating a snack around 10 am (when the kids do) and then lunch around 12:30 on my way home- I felt hungry at both of these times, but I drank some lemonade and that passed.
Oh, and, the lemonade is kinda gross today. I bought maple syrup in bulk at whole foods, and it is definitely not the same as the 365 brand bottled stuff. We even put a little less in this batch, which I am so happy about, because I do not like the maple flavor of this syrup. One of the bottles that I made has half good syrup, half bad syrup- I just don't know if I kept that one or gave it to Michael. We'll find out tomorrow when one of us is drinking halfway good lemonade while the other drinks bad lemonade.
I think I'm pretty much past my meat craving, but I would kill for some dairy queen ice cream right now. An oreo blizzard....mmm.....

Halfway there....

Halfway through Day 1

2007-06-21T13:35:00.000-05:00

Last night, Michael and I went to Whole Foods to buy all of our supplies. It was a bit embarrassing to push around a cart full of gallons of spring water and bags of lemons, but I think it was worth it when we saved $15 because these girls were too busy flirting with Michael to correctly ring up the maple syrup. Fine by me!

We made two days worth of lemonade for each of us last night. We juiced 30 lemons and ended up with 8 extra ounces of juice to save for the next batch. The lemonade actually tastes pretty good. I drank smooth moves tea around 10. I expected it to wake me up during the night, but it didn't.

I woke up at 5 this morning to do my first saline flush. This is by far the worst part of this whole deal. I warmed up a quart of spring water and mixed in 2 tsp of sea salt. I gagged so much getting it down, and threw up a little at one point. It took me until almost 6:00 just to drink the whole thing. I started getting pretty nervous when it got close to 7 and still nothing had happened. Everything I have read said to plan on spending about an hour in the bathroom after the saline flush (sorry, but I did try to warn you that you might not want to read this)...and here I was, 9 hours after drinking laxative tea and 1 hour after a saline flush, and still nothing...And I needed to leave for work in the next 25 minutes.

Well, the salt water finally did kick in, right before I needed to leave. Needless to say, I was a little late for school today.

So far I have drank 38 oz of lemonade today. I need to drink 60 oz, and I would like to drink closer to 100 oz. Its funny, the cayenne pepper really heats up the longer it sits, so I just add it as I pour. However, the bottom of my 32 oz nalgene is now quite spicy.

Alright, time for some lemonade lunch.

Hello my faithful readers!

2007-06-20T13:31:00.000-05:00

This blog is a bit of a warning to my most faithful readers, the ones who still check this blog after nearly six months of inactivity. You may or may not decide to stop checking after you hear what I am about to do.

Tomorrow I will begin the master cleanse. Ten days of ridding my body of toxins through a regimen of lemonade, saline flushes, and laxative tea. And nothing else.

Still reading?

Good. Be warned, for the next few weeks this blog will be a journal of my experience on the cleanse. Enjoy...

Rudolph's Happy New Year

2006-12-31T02:46:00.000-06:00

One night while I was at home with the fam I came across a TV show about Rudolph and the new year. I thought that my little little sisters would enjoy it, so I invited them to watch it with me. It was one of the worst shows I have ever seen in my life, except for the fact that I have never wished so much to be on drugs while watching a TV show. I will attempt to recount the details for you now:

The show begins with father time, and old white man with an old white beard, talking about his job. He is around to take care of things, and his main thing to take care of is time. Well, the Baby New Year is missing and now he needs some help. BTW, baby new year's first name is happy. As in Happy New Year.

So father time enlists the help of Rudolph, since that silly red nosed reindeer is not busy anymore. Rudolph embarks on a journey to find Happy, but first he must learn a little something about time. Father time presents Rudolph with a map of little islands, an archipelago if you will, that are all named after years. The first island that Rudolph picks is from a fucking long time ago. I forget the year, but if you know what year cavemen lived, then you are on the right track. Rudolph travels to this ancient island and meets a caveman, who says yes, he has seen happy, but happy left just as fast as he came.

Some time later, Rudolph travels to the island of 1776. There he meets Benjamin Franklin flying a kite. Mr. Franklin agrees to help Rudolph find Happy, but first they must walk past the great wall and ask humpty dumpty. Humpty Dumpty doesn't know, but there is a knight in shining armor who might be able to help. So he joins the search crew. Benjamin Franklin puts his kite down, and they all go to a 4th of July Parade.
** This is the part I had a major problem with. There was definitely not a 4th of July parade in 1776. That was when the declaration was signed, but there was no parade. There had not even been a Revolutionary war at this point.

After the parade, the group moves on to other years. Eventually they end up in antarctica or somewhere equally cold and icy and full of glaciers and avalanches. There is a vulture that has been hunting them this entire time. The vulture is named Eon and that is how long he will live. How long is an Eon? The movie never really answers this question, and that was very unsatisying for me. But the Eon's time is almost up, and he wants to steal Happy New Year so that he doesn't have to die. Well, while they are walking through the forest, Eon grabs Happy and flies away. Then he turns the knight, the caveman, Rudolph, and Benjamin Franklin into balls of ice.

Do you remember Rudolph's special gift? His red nose that shines so bright? Well, get this: he uses that nose light to melt through the ice. Then he finds Eon's secret hiding place and rescues Happy New Year. At first though, Happy doesn't want to go with him. Happy has big ears, and he is afraid that people will laugh. But Rudolph knows a thing or two about being laughed at, and he teaches Happy that it doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you love yourself. Then Happy takes his hat off. Eon starts laughing, and he laughs so hard that he forgets to be mean, and so Happy and Rudolph leave while Eon is laughing.

But by this time, it is almost too late. It is midnight on New Years Eve. The clock begins to chime. One, Two, Three... If they can make it back before the twelfth chime, New Years is saved. The funniest part is that they don't call them chimes, they call them bongs. Which further reinforces my previous point that this show was meant to be watched on drugs. How will they make it back by the 12th bong? Just when it looks helpless, Santa shows up. Ho Ho Ho, hop in to my sleigh. With rudolph leading the way, Santa brings Happy New Year back to Father Time to save the New Year, and all is well.

True Story.

back from the dead

2006-11-25T16:34:00.000-06:00

hola muchachos y muchachas. i am back! i can tell by all the voicemails and letters you have sent me that you have been very worried. i understand. and i am very sorry to have done that to you. i have two reasons for my absence. the first is that my computer has finally died. however, that has not really stopped me the past few months. i usually just borrow/steal one of ryan mustard's computer, blog, and make everything right with the world. however, as of late i have been mucho busy fighting an agent of the devil that you all may call mononucleosis.

mono sucks ass. if you want to know anything more on that subject, you should google it.

so, what have i been doing while couch bound for the past 9 days? in between sleeping and watching movies/entourage, i have been spending a good deal of time playing SSX Tricky on playstation 2. there are a few life lessons that i have learned from this game. first- if you want to win, you have to take shortcuts. this is essential, and undeniable. second- if you want to win, and you are playing against someone who is any good at all (or the computer in the final round)- you have to punch people as you pass them. otherwise they will take advantage of you, either by passing you (thereby preventing you from winning), or by punching or ramming into you from behind. and nobody likes to be rammed in to from behind. except holla, i guess.

i have never hated the state of oklahoma more than i do right now. and that includes the one day where i was run off I35 in oklahoma city by an 18 wheeler only to be pulled over about 50 miles north of ok city by a camaro cop who made me sit in his car. that is a lot of hate.

and the golden goblin goes to...

2006-10-29T14:20:00.000-06:00

Last night marked my third consecutive year of participation in the neu/holla/mustard halloween event. There was some question in my mind of how this party would compare to the previous two, as the venue has been changed to a slightly swankier, classier location (read: it is no longer ok to throw your beer on the floor or walk in to glass doors). However, the concern for not ruining the house did not in fact ruin the party. I would like to bring those of you who were not in attendance or maybe just don't remember the whole party* up to speed on some of the big party happenings in the form of some awards that i will call golden goblins.

*disclaimer: i myself have a bit of a fuzzy memory toward the end of the night, so i may not be all that helpful to those who don't remember the whole party. it's really just a matter of a case by case basis of who remembers more, me or you.

Most efficient use of a two tiny pieces of cloth and a string... Carl (Karl?)
I feel a tiny bit of responsibility here, as I was asked at the beginning of the party if that costume (if it can even be called a full costume) was ok. I said yes, because it was funny. Then I asked him to turn around, and he was too embarrassed to do so. Should have been a sign to all of us of just how innappropriate this costume was.
Or maybe it only became innappropriate once Carl's hard on became extremely obvious. And stayed that way for approximately 2/3 of the night.

Best last minute costume idea stealer...Kate Neu
Several months ago, I had the fantastic idea that Kate, Annette, and I should be Flavor of Love girls for Halloween. Everyone was on board until some naysayer pointed out that we could never pull that off with out a Flava Flav, and no one would agree to be Flava Flav. I didn't particulary want to be a Flava girl by myself, so I abandoned the idea. Low and behold, I got a phone call about 2 hours before the party time from K Neu informing me that she had just bought a bunch of slutty clothes and cheap clocks, and that she and annette were going back to the flava girl idea. Bitches!

Best at staying "in character"...Borat
He was so good that i don't even know his real name. For all I know, it could have actually been Borat himself. He should be paid for how much movie promotion he did last night. I like!

Best animal...Rebecca Vander Ploeg
Even though it was initially hard to tell what exactly she was, Becky's flamingo costume was by far one of the very best at the party. I really can't describe it in words, but I'm pretty sure if you check out her myspace profile you would get a good idea.

Most original...tie!!...Chris King and that other chick
I know what you are thinking. How can original be a tie? Doesn't the definition of original stipulate that it be so unique that no one else would wear it? And I would answer you yes...except, what in the world are the chances that TWO people would come to the same party dressed at Bjork from the 2001 Oscars? I think pretty slim. Add to that the fact that they both made their costumes, and I would think you would have to agree with me that they would win most original.

Most awkward numberwang...Todd Bush
Will todd ever get tired of wearing children's clothing to themed costume parties? Probably not. At least he covered up his package this time with the number 8! That's numberwang!! Priceless!
(if you are not sure what I am talking about, go to youtube right now and search for numberwang. Make sure you watch all three episodes. do it now!)

Best character from a movie (21st century)...Ryan Mustard
I'm pretty sure that Ryan Mustard could have been Kip in a previous life time. The only thing that could have made his costume better would have been a real LaFawnduh.

Best character from a movie (20th century)...Lisa O'Dea
Fans of early 90's kid's baseball movies all appreciated me bringing back Angels in the Outfield. I was a little nervous about the people who didn't immediately realize who I was dressed as, then I realized that they suck for not knowing Angels in the Outfield.

Best hair to go along with the costume...Chris Andrews
He was dressed as a child molester, right?

Hottest fictional children's TV show character...Reagan Mustard
Rainbow Bright showed up late and brought all the boys to the yard. Sorry Ryan. She looked way hot.

Best dressed inanimate objects...Grey Goose and Jagermeister (dressed by Rebecca Vander Ploeg)
I think liguor should dress up more often.

Best group costume...The crazy neighbors (Chris and John)
What made this a great group costume is that you had to actually see them together to realize that they were rock, paper, and scissors. Even though paper had "pulled a France" and we never actually got to view her, I am still giving them the award.

That is about all I can think of. Feel free to add more/voice your opinions on any of my choices. And if you were there, put your pictures on facebook already!!

boustamonte

2006-10-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

it has been a pretty amazing streak for those of you have been keeping track. my past 8 weekends have consecutively been amazingly (normally?) crazy. ryan mustard and i have pushed the limits of our livers and successfully reversed our internal clocks every friday and saturday night. what have we been doing on all these crazy nights? i honestly couldn't tell you right now. i'm pretty sure that is a side effect of all the boozing. but you could probably peruse my blog for a bit to get a better idea.

we finally had to take a night off last night. before you get dissappointed, let me explain to you that "taking a night off" from the crazyfest that has occupied my last 8 weekends involved drinking beer down south and going to bed (in my own bed!) by 3:30am. and if that still dissappoints you, let me take a moment to debrief you on Hot Tub Party 2k6.

HTB2k6 occured in the early hours of saturday, october 14. after a night $2 orbit lounge wells and some near fights/stranglings among friends, ryan mustard and i found ourselves at homeslice with his potential lady friend, carrie. as we chowed down on pizza we ran into none other than chris king, and at some point we made it back to the soco house. apparently lady friend carrie was more interested in walking her dog than walking ryan mustard's dog, and holla had already banned us from playing karaoke revolution, so it was decided that the next best option would be to go to chris's house to play in the hottub.

the high life tallboys and bottle of champagne went rather fast, so chris offered to make us a mixed drink. i did not realize that "mixed drink" would mean taking a nearly empty 2 liter bottle of coke and refilling it with whiskey. it was a bit gross at first, but then i took a great liking to this whiskey with a splash of coke concoction. next thing i know, we're finishing off the last of the bottle, and the sun is coming up. somewhere around this time, chris's oh so friendly neighbor lady comes over to ask us if we were aware of how loud we had been for the past 3 hours. we told her, no, we were not aware, because that is the truth, and then we thanked her for making us aware. maybe instead of "thanked her" it would be more accurate to say "shot her with invisible eye darts" because that lady was a betch.

to fully appreciate this next part, i need you to get a mental picture in your head. after going back inside, we realize that neighbor lady was having a garage sale, and her friend had blocked chris's roommate in the driveway by illegally parking her car. mustard was concerned that chris's roommate might wake up at any moment and immediately need to use his car, so this presented a potentially huge problem. now, mustard, much like ghandi, believes in solving problems in a peaceful manner. his nonviolent solution to this particular problem was to grab a guitar and sit on a bucket next to the illegally parked car while playing said guitar. loudly. p.s. ryan mustard is not exactly what you would call "a guitar player". the plan worked, and the potential crisis was absolutely averted. kudos to you, mustard.

the rest of the morning was spent watching r.kelly's masterpiece "trapped in the closet" full length video (twice), driving around and prank calling todd bush from nail salons and 7-11, taking a tour of 7-11, and then eating some breakfast at kerbey lane. we also met the crazy neighbor's dog, boustamonte. you can call her boostie for short.

it's hard to sleep when you're on fire

2006-09-27T19:47:00.000-05:00

in perhaps the most ultimate of tape delayed moments, i did not realize that i was moving this weekend until approximately yesterday. this caused a near panic attack followed by a massive adrenaline rush that i am apparently still running on, with the occasional assistance of starbucks double shots and arizona black tea with ginseng. in the past 24 hours, i have secured an apartment, signed the lease, and packed up about 80% of my apartment. that doesn't sound nearly as badass and amazing as it really is, so you may have to trust me on this. i only stopped tonight because i ran out of boxes/needed to figure out the situation re: getting some movers. apparently everyone moves at the end of the month, go figure.

holla, neu, bush, mustard: your crap is all piled on top of my pappason. it would be really cool if you could come pick it up while you help me move? jk, sorta. supposedly moveforfree.com is going to move me, we are just waiting on one last confirmation. plus, apparently there are limits on what they will move. so maybe you could help me just move a couple of things? and not even the really heavy stuff. come on, everything is more fun when you have help. don't make me beg. remember when i let you live at my house/helped you move/bought you drinks/didn't let my dog chew up your shit even though you left it at my house for the past 3 months? yeah i am pretty cool. and you love me. and i will buy you more drinks, and i know how you all feel about drinks that are free.

let's buy each other drinks until we reach the minimum bar tab

2006-09-24T11:06:00.000-05:00

i have never been big on sleep, but even i am amazed by just how little i have slept this month. september has been a banner month, and there is no reason to stop now.

friday night we found out that i am terrible at greco-roman wrestling. but i have a few things that i would like to point out to you nay-sayers. first, 75% of the people that i wrestled were a good foot taller than me. at least one of them was on some energy enhancing drugs. and kate neu is freakishly strong. BUT i still put up a fight, despite how kate's version of the story goes. the problem, i have decided, is not in my lack of strength, but it is in my lack of natural balance, which i think you can all attest to (falling down greenbelts, sprained ankles on 6th, dolphin jumps, the list goes on...). My point is, people, that despite being strength and balance impaired (handicapable?), i wrestled more than anyone else. i have the bug bites and random scratches all over my legs to prove it. and also, something is seriously wrong with my right shoulder. dammit.

also, i am relatively new to the world of drinking vodka. yes, i did it all through high school, but i swore it off after the projectile vomit incident of halloween 2k3. and yes, there was that one night that i took a break from hating vodka and carried a handle around collin's house taking pulls every 2.5 minutes until i found myself covered in cake in a bathtub trying to have a fight with the water. but other than that, i was pretty consistent in my anti-vodka approach. however, people do change, and crown and coke gives me nasty hangovers, so i recently switched over to vodka sodas with 2 limes. and here is what i have noticed about these suckers: they are sneaky. everytime i start drinking, i think to myself, this tastes like limey soda water, damn bartender cheated me out of some vodka. so then the next time, i order two drinks, because two drinks are definitely better than one. and this pattern continues, usually with me thinking some thought along the lines of "hm, i'm not drunk". and then all of a sudden i am drunk/wasted.

i have the cutest picture in the world of kate, me, and the ryans fake vomiting in buffalo billiards. i am telling you, this picture is adorable. my new haitian friend took it. as soon as ryan mustard helps me fix my computer i will post it.

thats about all i have for now. i'm sorry it has been so long since my last post, but i don't think that any of you have room to talk about that.

p.s. todd bush we all know you stole kate's purse. bring it back.

it can't get any more normal than this

2006-09-11T17:12:00.000-05:00

this is a blog about the relativity of normalcy.

the old gang got back together this past weekend. its almost pointless for me to write this one, since you were pretty much all there for the whole thing... but i'm going to do it anyway because some of these moments were too priceless to not bloggerize them. also, i think i offer a unique perspective since i pretty much stopped sleeping last thursday. (and that actually has nothing... or very little.... to do with drugs).

here are some personal highlights:

1. i'm a VIP at paradise.
hell yeah thats right. after closing the doors due to overcrowdedness, dirty told her doormen to let in any and all friends of mine who showed up. this was a very special honor for me, and i am glad that the 569 martinis i have drank at that bar have finally paid off in the form of some special treatment.

2. "one drink is for pussies!"
i don't even remember saying that, but i think its pretty funny so i'm glad that i did. i have a new, super efficient plan for ordering drinks at crowded bars. it allows me to drink the same amount but spend only half the time waiting. its called the double fisting plan. anytime i order a drink, i just order 2. just make sure that your friends are aware that you are on this plan, because if they decide to buy you a drink/shot, you could easily end up triple/quadruple fisting for a brief period. which is not terrible, that actually ups the efficiency...but it could lead to spilled drinks. which is extremely detrimental to the efficiency rating. it's a fine line, friends.

3. speaking of efficiency...
collin and i are in the process of starting up a new company called New Wave Technologies. collin's official title is director of the wave of the future. i think i am the chief exective officer of inefficiency. our first venture is verbal text messaging. i recieved my first VTM last night, and let me tell you, it was a bit startling. but i think its definitely the wave of the future!

4. upstairs room....a euphemism for "you're going to hell"?
how many expletives can you yell in front of a nice family of four? well, if you are us, the possibilities are endless. i slipped up quite a few times myself, but i tried to cover it up by blending it to some natural conversation. kate takes the "upstairs room" award for loudly dropping an f bomb and then dramatically stopping herself short of saying anything else so that the memory of that f bomb could linger in a moment of awkward silence.

5. MY DAD OWNS A CAR DEALERSHIP
if i had to pick one thing to turn into a youtube movie from this past weekend, it would be adam's performance as we left logan's on saturday night. someone found some fabulous sunglasses on the floor of logans that turned adam into a true dallas-ian. my favorite line: "in a few minutes, there's going to be a black limo that pulls up here. the driver's name is gene. you tell him he is FIRED. i don't even care what his wife says, she can get her OWN job. he is FIRED." (said to the homeslice counter girl circa 3am).

6. lets make a deal
it seemed like somebody upstairs (downstairs?) was looking out for us when the new neighbor friends shared their "we'll give you beer for cigarettes" proposal at 2:30am. little did we know all that this deal would include so much more than beer. there was harmonizing, bonding, viewing, tequila shots, and maybe even some swinging. amazing.

it was a pretty amazing weekend, and it was even more amazing that for the most part, this would all be considered extremely normal for us. it really can't get any more normal.

this is not a funny blog (seriously)

2006-09-08T05:58:00.000-05:00

i don't know why i insist on watching the news every morning. i do like knowing what is going on, but it really is making me start to dislike the vast majority of people, and thats not fair.

two things in particular that bothered me this morning:

1. people are awaiting a settlement from a judge who may or may not require james frey/his publishers to pay back people who bought his first book under the impression that it was a memoir. apparently consumers were so distraught that his book was not an actual verbatim account of events that they need to be big crybabies about it. i completely understand buying a book and being dissappointed by it... but really, thats life people. tough shit. throw the book away, attempt to sell it, burn it....can you not take care of anything on your own? it really reminds me of some of the children in my class who are so sheltered that they don't know how to take care of any problem they have without running to me and expecting me to take care of it.
BTW: (and i'm going to get a little teachery on you here) memoirs, by most writer's definitions, do not need to be (and i would even go so far as to say should not be) 100% accurate in retelling events. they are a way for a writer to make meaning of his/her life...and if events change in the transcription, that is a reflection of how the writer is making that meaning. and that is their prerogative. (cue the new edition music.)

2. the next story: a couple in bastrop living in a heavily wooded area is distraught over the possible sighting of a cougar in their backyard. i have news for you people. if that was, in fact, a cougar that you spotted...you are in his backyard, not the other way around. chill the fuck out.

ok i'm sorry. i won't do that again. its possible that i am just having some leftover crankiness from my brush with the law last night. or the fact i got about two hours of sleep after said brush with law.

here's a piece of happy news: i have decided to continue my education. this time around i am concentrating on the culinary arts...starting with wine tasting 101. kate and i attended our first class last night, and it was superb. i will be taking more ASAP, and when i'm done, i will either be an expert on wine or in jail. its really a total crapshoot at this point.

WTF?!??!!!

2006-09-05T21:27:00.000-05:00

wtf? do you people not know how to blog anymore? or how to respond to people's blogs? or comments? i am mad at all of you until further notice.

batfest

2006-09-03T12:18:00.000-05:00

reason #234 why i love austin tx: it is the only city (to the best of my knowledge) that closes down a major bridge for an entire weekend for a festival to honor the bats that live underneath said bridge. Tito (of tito's vodka) decides that this is a great opportunity to promote his vodka, so this gets turned into 5 of the classiest hotel bars in austin coming together to have a batini competition. they have three minutes to prepare and present their drink on stage in front of a live audience and a panel of 5 (drunk) judges. josh and daniel were the highlight of this competition, as they kept true to the mission of honoring the bats by having daniel prepare the drink blindfolded (the way a bat would).

the competition ends with an appearance from Tito himself, who asks everyone in the audience what their favorite vodka is. we all shout back "tito's!", and then the eight year olds standing in front of me join in "yeah! we love tito's!". it was pretty great.

and, since we have "connections" (aka kate neu), we got to party backstage with a free tito's bar. we mingle with the other hotel people, judges, tito, and "plus ones". kate, ryan, and i are not ones to pass up on free alcohol at anytime. the after party was quite enjoyable, especially once in dwindled down to the ones who were obviously only hanging around for the free vodka. our bartender whips us all up some delicious cucumber-honey-mint vodka shots. ryan and i both take a liking to a certain bartender of questionable sexual orientation. we decide to settle our dispute by both hitting on him and then seeing who he decides to go home with at the end of the night. that person would be the winner. this plan even went so far as to include a clause stating that in the event of a threesome, we would just call it a draw.

it wasn't long before kate, ryan and i caught eachother's eyes and realized that we were, in fact, drunk before dinner. we decide to move the party to a restaurant, and after some minor disagreements (beth said it well: "wow. yall are so confrontational!"), we ended up at magnolia.

sidenote: as we are leaving, i am still finishing up my last drink. ryan says "lisa, i don't think you are supposed to be walking out with that." a cop overhears him, looks over, and says "thats right, drink fast!". he then realized what he just said, and decides to add, "but dont drive!". we assure him that we are not driving anywhere, and ryan even goes so far as to tell him where he lives as proof that we will be walking there.

after magnolia, we somehow have the foresight to realize that we are not going to be done drinking at 2 am, so before hitting up downtown, we hit up the 7-11 to buy some beer for later. warning signs of an alcoholic? check.

come again now?

2006-08-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

surprise! i made an ass of myself today!

i was teaching the kids a spelling game called mystery word, where i give them a bunch of letters, and they see how many words they can make out of those letters, leading up to discovering the one word that can be made using ALL the letters. its sort of a manual text twist, for you yahoo gamers out there. its also really good for building awareness of spelling patterns (i know you didn't ask. i told you anyway! booyah.)

anyhoo. this week's mystery word is september. they have already made all the three and four letter words they can come up with, and we are starting the five letter words. one little boy looks up at me and says, "breast!".

you may have noticed two things. first, breast cannot be spelled with the letters of september. second, breast is not a five letter word. these were not really warning signs to me though because these kids can't spell for shit, thank you very much spellcheck/AIM/T9 text messaging.

anyway...naturally, i pause. i think to myself, well, he looks quite serious, and everyone in the class looks serious. surely he is not saying breast.

"what did you say?"
"breast"
"i couldn't hear you cody. say it one more time."
"breast"
"one more time?"
"breast!"

thats four times total. now, i know what i SHOULD have said. i should have said, tell me how you spelled that word. but i froze, and got all retarded, as i sometimes do. plus, i was kinda thinking that maybe he was actually saying breast, and since that is a word thats going to be coming up in science this year, maybe i should just go with it and act like its nothing. i mean, the kids are being pretty mature about this. so i took the plunge. i said, "breast?".

it is immediately apparent that breast was NOT what he said, as his face, and the 16 other faces looking back at me, turned BRIGHT RED, and the braver, less mortified children laugh loudly. i want so badly to join them in laughing, but i don't.

don't worry, i played the whole thing off very cool. i think. i hope.

are you wondering what word he really did spell? prest. as in, i prest a button.

40 gallons to freedom

2006-08-19T02:37:00.000-05:00

tonight was a banner night.

it was erin's roommates and friends bdays, which we had all pretty much accepted meant that i would be blacking out at an early time. but hollowell decieded to be a badass and stick out the night, which added an extra element of banner worthey fun.

our new fave song is sexy back , and we went from bar to bar listending for that song. maybe it would have been smarter to just stay in one bar and listen. but anyhow, we hit u[ soho and chuuggin monkey. it was just like junior year. except collin wasn't with us to get kicked out for holding in jagershots and using fake looking real id's. and also, why did the bartender pour whipped cream in my mouth? that was strange. why is my toe bleeding? i only know the answer to one of those questions.

the night ended with a cab ride bak to homeslice. oh how i love that place. except, remind me not to put garlic on my pizza. it is not necessary. this dude stepped on my toe tonight and now it is bleeding. i am going ot sleep in anneettte's bed. don't tell her.

i love you.

the end.

its like i'm drunk when i'm sober.

2006-08-15T18:00:00.000-05:00

get this:

this morning, i wake up super early for the first day of school. i'm pretty proud of myself for this, as i've been late for inservice everyday for the past week. my cute first day of school shirt is a bit wrinkly, so i decide to steam it. i plug in my iron with steamer attachment, then notice that said steamer attachment is not properly locked into place. so i very carefully use my index finger and thumb to slide it into place (the attachment itself does not get very hot). as i finish this, i come to the realization that i was so busy being careful with my index finger and thumb that i neglected to notice i was resting my middle finger tip on the actual iron.

that hurt like hell.

and i'll admit that i am a big huge baby when it comes to burns. you can ask kate and chris if you need verification of how big of a baby i am. or if you know me (which i estimate at least 80% of my blog readers do), then you know i am pretty much a huge baby about being hurt in general.

but that is not all. 5 minutes later, the burn is still hurting like hell, and i decide that ice would be a great idea. as i open the freezer door, the giant glass bottle of olive oil (which was left on top of the fridge by some homeless bums that inhabited my apartment last month) crashes to the ground. in typical tape delay fashion, i think to myself "good thing that thing didn't fall on my foot". then i start to pick up some glass. then i realize my toe hurts. then (i'm sure you can see where this is going...) i notice the small pool of blood underneath my big toe.

long story short, i end up having to go to school with a dishtowel wrapped around my foot. it is soaked in blood (i'm actually not exaggerating at all here) by the time i get there, so i break into the nurse's office and steal bandages and gauze, and wrap that baby up. it has still not completely stopped bleeding, and there is a big chunk of my toe missing.

my more faithful/attentive/obsessive blog readers may recall my first day of school blog from last year. something about power outages and dog puke. such is life....

i can't wait till next year!

jellyfish jellyfish

2006-08-13T03:09:00.000-05:00

if there has been one lesson to learn from my past two saturday nights it is this: designated driving does not pay off. more specifically, it is impossible to get a cab leaving downtown on a saturday night. unless you pose as a hooker on the south congress bridge. which you better believe kate and i did/will do at any time that we need a cab.

even so, the "hooker on s. congress bridge" method tends to yield pretty consistent results of getting one certain creepy cabbie named carlos. tonight i told him that he was a dickhead. i'm pretty sure he thought i was joking, but i wasn't. dear carlos, kate and i don't like you. and we will never get with you. we only talk to you because you are the only cab that stops for us.

in other semi related news, adam came to visit us this weekend. which meant that tyler came out of hiding to hang out. and ryan h was in a fairly good mood. friday night we enjoyed each other's company as we did something which i cannot currently recall. i'm sure it was fun, as i'm not currently pissed off about anything in particular. today we went swimming way south. i think we may have been in mexico or at least a border town. tonight we went drinking at trendy bars on west sixth, then plush with everyone's fave drug dealer, c perez. plush was real fun. my fave part was when i supposedly danced in this one ho-bitch's personal space and she got real mad at me. presently we are eating tacos and pizza and it is great.

i will leave you with my new favorite joke. check back next week for the answer.

what has eight legs and eight eyes?

they say a picture is worth a thousand words

2006-08-05T10:46:00.000-05:00

and now it is time for the truth to come out. you may or may not have been wondering why you never see pictures of just myself and kate. you may have been thinking, gosh, those girls are such good friends, i wonder why they never take pictures together. sure, there are plenty of group shots- kate and i both have nearly perfect attendance records when it comes to parties, boozing, orgies, and other social gatherings- so naturally we would appear in those sorts of pictures together...but not together, if you catch my drift.

no doubt by now your eyes have wandered down to the picture that is the focus of this blog. exhibit a, if you will:

so, about that truth i promised you earlier: Kate and I are not really friends. We don't really even like each other. Our common interests (see above: boozing and sexing) have allowed us to feign a friendship for quite some time now, and I am sure that many of you are a bit surprised by this revelation. We were a little surprised to learn it last night ourselves. But like Shakira's hips, the camera doesn't lie. You can easily see that we would both rather swallow our own vomit than be posing for pictures together.

milk was a poooor choice

2006-07-31T11:04:00.000-05:00

you know what else is turning out to be a poor choice? not going to bed until 6:30 this morning. it seemed like a great idea, i was getting some laundry done and catching some excellent lifetime movies. however, i forgot that it is somewhat impossible to sleep in on monday mornings at my apartment between the obnoxiously loud birds, joe on the go downstairs, and the lawn guys always getting a head start on weedwacking directly outside my window. and you thought i was cranky yesterday!

i think my mom has officially turned into a scrapbooking crazy lunatic. basically, there are certain things that she says she wishes she had done when my brother and i were younger...and so now she goes crazy making sure that she does them for hannah and katelyn. one of these things is scrapbooking. last week, she called me in a bit of a tizzy because she couldn't locate the pictures from christmas 2004 of me making a gingerbread house with the girls. luckily i was able to come to the rescue and send her some of those 2k4 pics. this morning, i got an email from her that contained a bunch of pictures of scrapbook pages that she has made and is especially proud of. this, my friends, is what happens when your parents decide that the best way to cope with empty nest syndrome is to avoid it altogether.

p.s. ryan mustard, thank you fot setting up my wireless internet. i especially like the network name. the neighbors are lining up at the door to come hang out with me now. i hate you.

analyze this

2006-07-21T08:03:00.000-05:00

i had a really wierd dream last night. we were all at yenny and ben's wedding. it was at my old house in plano. well, not the wedding, but thats where everyone was meeting ahead of time. katie was getting ready in the guest bathroom, and ben was hanging out in my brother's room. he was ready early i guess. i went to go say hi to him, and collin was in the bed with him. not sexually, they were just have a pre-marraige chat i assumed. so i left them alone, because it looked like a good heart to heart. i forgot to wear shoes, and so everyone decided we could just do the wedding barefoot. mrs. yenny gave us all small bottles of vodka as gifts for being in the wedding. but the wierd thing is that megan's was grey goose, and mine was "wonder", like the wonder bread vodka. i started to get a complex about that (am i not a grey goose level friend?), but then i remembered that i don't really like vodka anyway. ok, so then mrs. yenny passed out the directions to the wedding, and assigned us cars to go in. zak and duc were sitting outside because they weren't in a festive mood. adam volunteered to ride with them. the girls were supposed to go seperately from the guys, but we were only driving down the street. literally. it was an outdoor wedding, and by this time it was getting dark. someone set up a bonfire, and i remember thinking it was pretty big. then i realized it was near where i had set my purse. and there were a few other purses there too. so this one girl (it was a friend of mine in the dream, but now i have no idea who it was) goes over and picks up the purses. the fire gets really close to her, and my parents yell for her to get away from the fire. in a moment of panic, she pics up my purse and throws it INTO the fire! i scream, bc i am pissed about this. i run over and try to save my purse, but its too late and i just watch it burn.

the only part of this dream that i know why i had it is the burning purse. i desperately need to clean out my purse because i have been keeping too much crap in it. that is what i was thinking as i watched it burn... i should have cleaned it out.

p.s. update from yesterday: i didn't die, but i may have contracted the pink eye. gross.

bloggington d.c.

2006-07-20T09:48:00.000-05:00

d.c. officially kicked my ass last night. matt, kate, and i spent the majority of our night at a fantastic little dive bar featuring dollar pints of miller light. as an added bonus, there was a giant light bulb that would flash at random time intervals signifying that it was time for dollar jell-o shots. i suppose the first sign that we had a problem was when our waiter came over and said "the lights about to go off, should i go ahead and grab your jell-o shots?"... then, the time after that, he called us wimps for only ordering one each. you better believe we stepped it up and ordered double rounds after that.

needless to say, the rest of the night is a bit hazy. there was a private dance party, and then we hung out on some couches. we ate the most gigantic slice of pizza i have ever seen in my life.

NYC tonight. if i don't die a hangover-related death first.

beach blog booyakasha

2006-07-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

ahoy hoy! my internet addiction has finally gotten the best of me, and so here we are with vacation blog #1. i am currently in pawley's island, south carolina- about 45 minutes south of myrtle beach/civilization. i have spent my days on the beach and nights drinking wine from dixie cups with my aunt and brother. tanorexia is progressing quite nicely... except yesterday i made the mistake of falling asleep on the beach, and now i have some awful tan lines from the strings that hang down from my bathing suit top. so my primary goal today is to get rid of those lines. which leads me to my larger goal in life, which is to live the sort of lifestyle where i can set daily goals that can be attained by spending the day at the beach.

google has a new feature (at least, it is new to me) where you can customize your homepage. now, i know that this has been an option on yahoo for some time now... but for whatever reason, i am just not a yahoo person. i love google, a lot. and i love the new homepage. i think mine has like 47 things on it by now. i pretty much don't need to leave my homepage anymore, except for blogging and sprucing up collin's myspace page. also, i am really into buddhism and astrology now, thanks to my google buddhist daily meditations and horoscope boxes. do buddhists pay attention to horoscopes? if not, i am combining them to form my own religion. i think will call it buddhology. or astrohism. and we will rub the bellies of little astro-buddhas. they are like regular buddhas, except they are decorated with shooting stars.

now i have some individual things to say. scroll down until you see your name, no peeking at other peoples messages!

kate: i tried calling you but once again your stupid phone wouldn't let me leave a voicemail. get a new one for crying out loud. also, i sincerely hope that the reason you did not pick up was NOT because you were out buying pleather halter tops and skin tight hooker dresses. take someone shopping with you for crying out loud. you need those second opinions.

todd: that sweat story really grossed me out.

mustard: how is my dog doing? i hope she isn't driving you crazy. also, you should blog once in a while.

megan: do you even read these anymore?

bon voyage!

2006-07-06T16:21:00.000-05:00

yes, that is right friends. it is time for me to leave you once again to enjoy some QT with the fam. i am a bit concerned about who is going to take care of you drunk-asses while i am gone. por ejemplo, (theres a little espanol for you, todd) i really don't want ryan hollowell to spend everynight playing solitaire and drinking a miller light in my bathroom. while it was cute for one night, i think if it becomes a habit it could really lead to a serious downward spiral. and i realize that my apartment is small... but i've never really felt the need to hang out in the bathroom with a beer. unless i'm doing the whole "shower and a drink" routine... but at least that has a purpose. and also, i haven't really done the shower and a drink routine since i stopped living with megan mccracken.

speaking of drinking... i just recieved a rather interesting email from kate. it said something along the lines of "here are some pictures of that condo i was telling you about. it looks cool!". well, guess what i saw when i opened up all seven attachments? seven pictures of pie. i kid you not. i'm pretty sure she is drinking on the job again/still.

nap time!

surprises

2006-06-30T18:21:00.000-05:00

several weeks ago, when kate neu and i first outlined what we refererred to as "week-o-fun" i was amazed by how well planned out our social calendar was. we had it all: parties, dinners, river floats, threesomes- all penciled in and strategically scheduled to maximize our fun times (while minimizing other things, such as sleep and sobriety. its just the price you pay when you are as fun as us!).

well, i have now learned my lesson about planning things out. nothing really ever does go as planned.

exhibit a: goodbye greenlawn.
this is a huge whammy to the social calendar, especially considering that we have been planning a wake party for about a year now. well, sometimes i guess you just don't get to say goodbye. i realize i'm being a bit dramatic here. you can still say goodbye. just don't expect it to be a well-lit or air conditioned or smoke-free goodbye.
as a sidenote, we found out last night that my little apartment comfortably sleeps 5. who knew?! although, i suppose "comfortably" is a bit subjective. and, 1 of the 5 was a 90 lb stripper. which brings me to:

exhibit b: i'm in love with a stripper...
well i'm really not in love. but i couldn't get that song out of my head as we hung out with ryan's british stripper friend from vegas all weekend. have you ever read the children's book "if you give a mouse a cookie"? well, its kinda like "if you give a stripper a ride and a place to stay"... she just never leaves. my favorite part about her is that as soon as we got off the river, she took off her bathing suit and replaced it with see-through white pajamas and proceeded to wear those pajamas (and nothing else at all) for the next 24 hours. very cliche if you ask me.

very much looking forward to roadtrip2k5. hopefully no one's car catches on fire in the next 24 hours. dammit. knock on wood.

two of the cutest pictures you'll see today

2006-06-25T22:48:00.000-05:00

my grand plan of wearing my bathing suit all night long proved to be a terrible idea once the air conditioning kicked in. the logical result would have been to walk out to my car and get my clothes out. however, i was not in a logical frame of mind at this time. hence, the beginning of my new found love of man pants. unfortunately, ryan "zoolander" mustard only let me wear his for a photo op.

"i heart chris." ... "meow!"
mad science rocks my face off.

rollin with my homies

2006-06-25T05:39:00.000-05:00

Do you remember the movie clueless? How about the scene where Alicia Silverstone and Brittany Murphy are singing "rollin with my homies"? Grade A cinematography, if I do say so myself!

If you are an Alicia Silverstone fan, you probably also remember the Aerosmith videos from "get a grip" (incidentally, my first cd ever. that is 60% the truth: i bought it at the same time as the lion king soundtrack. but i did listen to get a grip first in my sony cd boombox. and my parents thought i was a sicko for buying a cd with a pierced cow udder on the cover. however, they didn't seem to have a problem with nirvana's nevermind naked baby cover. i guess thats because babies are so damn cute. the only cd they really ever censored me on was Green Day's dookie, because some nosy neighbor of ours showed my mom the lyric book. and my mother is nothing if not oblivious and sheltered, so she forbade us from listening to green day. oh well, i just pretended to hate green day so she wouldn't have the satisfaction of censoring anything from me! it was my brother who later got caught with dookie in his discman and faced a long lecture about listening to immoral music and lying to his mother. which, by the way, sums up our childhood. he would get in trouble for stupid shit like that, which i was much too smart for. i would get in trouble for being an overall bitchy jackass when the mood struck. or when i was hungry. some things never change!).

But back to my original point, if you remember Alicia Silverstone, then you remember Aerosmith, and you would hopefully think of the song "Crazy." Well, friends, i (along with my video game alter ego "sexy natalie sue") ROCKED out on karaoke revolution to that song tonight. you only wish that you could have been here to see our amazing perfomanceS. too bad what happens in northwest austin stays in northwest austin. (ps: that pic is NOT from the crazy video. if you can name what video it is from, you win an award.)

speaking of northwest austin, it is NICE out here. the weather is a little cooler. i fully enjoy having the use of a swimming pool and a hot tub and a basketball court. and trees to climb. by the way, if i look like death tomorrow, you can totally blame that one on the trees. and a little bit of blame on my inability to feel pain right now. 3 pills later...

on a seperate but still loosely connected note, chris wins champion cook of the night award for still being awake in spite of the fact that he needs to be at work by 7 am. by my calculations, that is exactly one hour and fourteen minutes. not enough time for a good REM cycle, so he's just going to suck it up and be a man. PROPS! (speaking of chris and being a man- i have recently discovered that i love wearing man pants. and, chris and i are the same size! he wears belts, which is new for me. so far i like it. if chris hadn't won the championship award, i probably would have awarded him "most generous community member" for sharing pants with me when i was shivering and couldn't find my clothes.)

other awards (but don't get too excited, these are all along the lines of "honorable mentions"- CHRIS is tonight's big grandmaster winner.) Coolest dog-aunt: Kate Neu- nominated by Tex and Toby. Even if she forgets which one is which once in a while, she loves those dogs like they were her very own niece/nephew. She treats them with a great deal of respect as well, as she makes sure to introduce them to everyone formally. Next up: Maddest mad scientist: Jason Berinsky. This was my second time to see the show, and I was initially dissappionted that it would be the same show- not because it wasn't good, but because I just wanted to experience some new science. However, the show was just as enthralling, if not more so, this time around. Plus, I got a souvenier. Its a keychain that looks like white beads, but when you hold them up to a blacklight they show their true color. Its a good thing too, because i chewed up my coor's light keychain tonight. Don't ask if you don't know. I'm not going to tell you what that true color is, you'll just have to shine your own blacklight on it and judge for yourself. If I forget to tell you later, you should ask to hear my theory on color perception. But I must now tell you about the final award: drumroll please! Its a newly initiated member of the blogring, winning the "I look like such a badass hotshot in a beanie and I should have had at least a supporting role in a Wes Anderson film by now" award: ryannnnnnnnn mustard! R.T. Mustard is also an artist, ladies- both with the oil pastels and the microphone. American idol material: the man is an artistic genius. And if life imitates art, well then... fill in the rest as you will!

if you like this blog, you should read some of the short stories I wrote tonight. Kate Neu is collecting them so that when I am famous she can charge people to look at the originals so she can afford to feed her 42+ hippy children, all adopted from various countries around the world.

it is now one hour exactly until chris begins his shift at the driskill. flippin eggs, you know the drill. so does he. thats why he's not afraid to stay up all night! none of us are. us that are here that is. you at home reading this apparently are. chicken!

and now we have come full circle, as i just mentioned chicken, and my night started off with a chicken and veggie pizza. if there is anything i left out, i'm sorry. its so cold in here that its hard for me to think. and chris made me take off his pants. don't take that the wrong way you sickos. i was wearing his pants, and he needed to be wearing them for work in one hour. and apparently he likes to be dressed way early. come tuesday, those pants are mine, bitch!

with that, i bid you adieu, goodnight, goodmorning, and good luck. a few hours from now we'll be boilin' crawfish. is that hardcore or what? yeehaw!

2006-06-22T18:54:00.000-05:00

hey guys! i found ryan mustard's work blog. check it out!

angry angry man

well, crap on you!

2006-06-14T02:52:00.000-05:00

hey guys! i totally wrote a hilarious drunk blog earlier this evening, but then i broke kate's computer and lost the whole masterpiece. (btw: sorry about that kate. ryan told me he would fix your computer. hope that works out.). so now you are all going to have to settle for an angry blog entry.

why angry, you might ask? well i am angry because i just got pulled over for the 8th gazillion time this year in f-ing jonestown texas. for those of you who have never been to jonestown... don't ever go. i only go because i have to drive through it to get to stupid lago vista. it is a small town, the sign says population 1681. but even with that small population, they manage to have an overwhelming number of billboards and marquees reminding me about my future in hell for my lack of participation in the baptist religion. the other thing about jonestown is that they are notorious for handing out tickets to anyone that drives through their holier-than-thou shithole. but i am smart, i learned this lesson early on, and now i watch my speed or at least, i watch out for cops. which is why tonight, after downing a bottle of wine, i made sure to be driving at exactly the speed limit. and that is why when i saw the police car, i thought, surely that a-hole does not have any business with me. but he did. don't you worry, friends, i did not pull a ryan hollowell dwi style. (otherwise, the topic of this blog would probably be "hello from jail" or something similarly depressing). no, i got pulled over for an expired registration sticker. i didn't even know that you could get pulled over for that. i always thought that they would pull you over for something else, then notice the expired registration sticker.

at least he didn't know that this was my second time to be pulled over in his jesus-loving town for that same expired registration. of course, the other one was in the context of a "73 in a 45" speeding ticket. but i managed to get out of that other one with a 4 part warning and a 30 minute lecture on texas driving laws. tonight, i got a speech on how it is dangerous to be driving so late at night, and i better go ahead and get that registration updated. i had to stop myself from explaining to him the fact that the reason i was driving so late is because i had to take a pass out nap after consuming a bottle of wine. i was totally trying to keep the roads safe, officer.

alright i'm done with that. on a completely unrelated note, i played a really fun game tonight. it is called eggshell, and you play it on a trampoline. chris is really good at it. i am not, because i get scared too easily. in fact, my neck already hurts. but, i do think that it would be a good idea for one of you friends with a backyard to invest in a trampoline. just think about it.

i'd also like to give a shout out to ryan mustard for joining the blogging world. i will link to him just as soon as i remember how.

ALSO- speaking of which, ryan mustard and i are in the process of planning a super fun video game extravaganza. we are not going to play stupid games like halo and that car game. no, we are going to play guitar hero and nba ballaz! megan mccrackface, you know what i am talking about. that is fun. with a capital f. Fun.

schoooool's out for summer!

2006-05-31T10:43:00.001-05:00

Well for this week at least. Yesterday was my first real day off, and it was really only half off because I had to drive out to Lago to sit in on an interview. So what did I do with the second half of my first day off? I watched crappy daytime TV with annette and hollowell! Our crappy daytime tv programming included "100 Hottest Hotties", "TRL", and "Parental Control", among other crappy crap-shows. The one good thing about this is that I got to see the new TI video. Check out these lyrics: (i especially like the last line of this stanza. completely unexpected and refreshing!)

I can't touch you like that, and make you make you feel like this
Holla if you came back and it's still like this
Do he hit it from the back and make you feel it yo chest
Take advantage of what your concealing in yo dress
What, he think he too fresh to show that you the best
Compliment you on your intellect and treat you wit respect
Give you sex till you sweat, tongue kissing on yo neck
It's been awhile since she got it like this I bet
I can tell you ain't just another bitch I met
Ain't nobody got me open like this, not yet
You confused ain't decided which way you should go yet
So how you keep sayin no with yo panties so wet

I haven't been able to find the white-people translation online yet... but it sure does seem romantic to me!

p.s. ROT rally is this weekend. I am super pumped. I hope that I get more liquor tshirts/hats to add to my collection.

p.p.s. this weather is really cramping my style.

check out my mouth jewelry

2006-05-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

kate informed me last night that there is a website that translates rap songs into everyday language. can you guess what popular hit my title is from? if any of you web junkies (that means you, todd and megan!) can find that website for me, that would be fantastic.

top shelf tuesdays are slowly killing me. but i will not give up. you would think that at this point in my drinking career, my tolerance would have gone up. but alas, friends, it has not. one (shaker of) cuban martini and i'm pretty tipsy. then i end up driving home with the windows down and singing along to coldplay. life is for living... oh, and then since its a mix cd, i also end up listening to ben harper's walk away. there's a recipe for disaster. megan hurry up and get here with my new cd's! i'm on a slippery slope here.

for those of you who forgot to wish me a happy mother's day... just remember, better late than never. for those of you who didn't know you needed to wish me a happy mother's day, let me bring you up to speed. i am carrying ryan and ryan's gay baby. i'm a surrogate. and we mixed things up so that we don't know who the dad is. for now, we're calling it "baby holla-mustard." hyphenated names are so fun! so far, the perks of surrogate motherhood have been superb: lavish brunches, fancy chanel gift bags, and i can still drink!

i have a headache....

you're in my heart, you''re in my soul...

2006-05-09T23:55:00.000-05:00

if i could put music on this blogspot, it would be that song. rod stewart 24/7.

yes thats right. its time for my weekly tuesday drunken blog. tuesdays are totally the new wednesday. up until 3 weeks from now, when i am on summer vacay, and then we will have fun tuesdays and wednesdays. and mondays for that matter. it will be off the hook.

why rod stewart? well i will answer that question. it is simple. he saved my life tonight. there i was, about to fall asleep again on 183, with none of you assholes calling me to keep me awake. then, i switched from my cd to the radio, and not even ms. new booty could really pep me up. but then i siwtch to bob fm, and there is rod. you're in my heart, you're in my soul.... i really love that song. and rod.

so, i totally got my ass kicked tonight. but the good news is that i will be very buff very soon. body pump was scary as hell tonight.

we are planning a surprise
(belated
) bday party for chris. does anyone have any theme suggestions?

trying new things

2006-05-06T09:12:00.000-05:00

Readers, I tried something new last night. I went downtown completely sober and stayed absolutely sober through closing time. It is a different experience, let me tell you...and not one I necessarily need to repeat anytime soon.

Here are some things I noticed:

1. Shakespeare's is a lot bigger than I remember. It is still just as lame as I remember, but there is this whole extra hidden bar with a huge tv screen in the back/left.

2. I reaffirmed my long-held belief that "nothing good can ever come from going to spill to meet up with ryan h". As a scary bar fight broke out about 2 feet in front of me, I thought to myself, gee, someone's going to get cut by all this glass from the tables being knocked over. After the fight ended, I looked down at my leg and realized that someone was me. Luckily, in my sobriety, I was able to fashion a bandage out of paper towels and megan's hair elastic. You better believe that I attracted all the men with my bloody leg last night.
And, p.s.- ryan h was not even at spill. He had already left to come find us. damn cryptic/drunk text messages.

3. There is traffic on 6th street on the way to mopac after 2am. Who knew?!? I certainly didn't. Of course, ryan and ryan were quick to point out that by that point, I'm usually either passed out or crying in the backseat. Crying? I don't really remember that. But who am I to talk?

HAPPY SEISO DE MAYO EVERYBODY!!

wtf mate!

2006-05-05T20:32:00.000-05:00

whats up with the cell phone outage of 2k6?

until further notices, all conversations with me will need to take place through blogster.

i am totally gross.

2006-05-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

staph of the face is back. my doctor told me today that i am a colonizer of staph. it is perhaps one of the grossest things i have ever thought about. i'm on antibiotics indefinitely. sound like fun? it isn't. i blame kate neu. i can blame many of my problems on kate neu, for example, the hangover i had on wednesday morning. and my intense fear of ever passing out in her bed.

nbc is doing this story on salvia that they have been advertising all week long. all it has made me want to do is smoke some salvia. is that what you do with salvia? can someone please explain it to me? from what i got from nbc, all i have to do is go out to a suburban neighborhood and steal some leaves from the garden of the most popular soccer mom. and then i can have out of body experiences!

1.5 more hours until cinco de mayo! make sure you call megan to wish her and her people a happy independence day!

ridin dirty.

2006-04-25T22:05:00.000-05:00

its all better when you are drunk.

we came up with approx 30 really good blog titles tonight.

among them:

lisa and ryan are bitches while drinkning

kate doesn't know how to throw a good dance party

todd doesn't know how to blog

kate wants to do lots of indian men

thats about all i remember. ridin dirty!

close calls

2006-04-25T17:36:00.000-05:00

today is apparently my lucky day. here are 3 examples:

1. 8 am summative conference with my principal. There are some forms that I was supposed to fill out and turn in to her electronically about 2 weeks ago, but I never did them. Lucky for me, her hard drive was wiped out last night and instead of me having to make up excuses about why it wasn't done, SHE apologizes to ME. ha!

2. I got pulled over in Jonestown on the way home today. Jonestown is notorious for giving out speeding tickets for going 3 miles over, so normally I am very careful. But today I was fiddling with my phone...bad idea. Apparently I was clocked doing 73 in a 45. As soon as the cop told me this, I figured that I was fucked. However, I still played my poor innocent teacher act (which up until today had only a 33% success rate). Further securing my fate was the fact that my registration expired in March. Crap. He keeps making small talk, then asks for my license and insurance. I couldn't find my insurance, so he starts lecturing me about driving without proof of insurance, and then as I look through my glove box, I pull out my last warning ticket as well as my defensive driving papers...niiiiice.
Does this story have a point, you ask? Well, not really. But it does have a happy ending- I got away with 4 written warnings and 0 tickets, even after 73 in a 45, expired registration, obstructed license plate, and failure to change the address on my drivers license. WHICH, BTW: my license plate has been "obstructed" for 5 years now, and none of the other dickheads who pulled me over have mentioned it. AND, up until December, the address on my license was about 4 years old- again, no one ever said anything about that. But oh well, I'm not complaining.

3. I got home today to find my laptop on the middle of the living room floor. I left it on my couch, so apparently my dog somehow moved it from the couch to the floor. She could have chewed it to pieces, like she does with everything I own...But she did not. I consider myself incredibly lucky for this.

looks like a leprechaun to me!

2006-04-19T20:33:00.000-05:00

these are much better than the ones that todd posts. promise!

and:

totally emo

My weird neighbor won't stop talking to my dog...

2006-04-18T20:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, so, sadie really likes to hang out on the balcony. The problem is that she barks at other dogs/children/some men.... but, there are plenty of other people who leave their dogs out on balconies in this complex, so I try not to feel too bad. Plus, when she barks, I usually go yell at her to quit barking. Which is very temporary...but still. My downstairs neighbors have actually told me that they like her barking so much because she protects their mobile coffee shop RV.

Anyway- tonight, i'm sitting here with the sliding door open, and sadie is hanging out on the deck, and some dude outside starts talking to my dog. And I'm pretty sure that the dude is drunk or on drugs. Maybe both. Sadie apparently doesn't like him, so she does this low growl/bark thing...and then he starts YELLING at her- "why the fuck do you bark at me? why don't you like me?". i'm not even kidding you, i coudln't make this up. At this point, I'm kinda afraid to go out there, because I don't know what he's going to say to me. Sadie did stop barking, and then I hear him tell her, "don't look at my dog while she's doing her business. thats her business. she's my dog. quit looking at her. leave her the fuck alone." Sadie barks again. Then he tells her "i like your owner, but i hate you." WTF?? I'm pretty sure I don't know this guy. And now I'm afraid to go outside because I don't want him to yell at me.

p.s. you all suck for not commenting on that last blog.

make em say uhhh... na-na na na

2006-04-16T21:22:00.000-05:00

i planned my entire evening around watching grey's anatomy and then going to bed. however, grey's anatomy is definitely not on. what about brian? what about GREY'S ANATOMY? come on abc.

my dog is freaking out, which i am pretty sure is retribution for leaving her home for so long during the 13 hour boozefest yesterday. seems to be a recurring pattern of 2006. well, kinda a recurring pattern of my life. speaking of which, i think i'm going to sign myself up for a liver transplant this week.

also, did anybody else see the weather forecast? tomorrow is supposed to be 100 DEGREES. i am not even kidding you.

i can't remember who i told this to and who i didn't.... but katie yenny is in town. we are getting martinis on wednesday. you should come!

ready...set...go!

2006-04-04T21:15:00.000-05:00

i'm back!! woohoo! i wonder how long it will take any of you assholes to acknowledge my return to the world of blogging. so i'm turning into a game... a drinking game, if you will. last person to notice that i am back has to chug a beer. or a handle of vodka. whatever the committee decides on. its like an online extended game of thumbman, and i'm the thumbmaster.

i'm also slightly drunk, or had you noticed that yet? i'm probably fooling you with my impeccable typing skills. they don't let me teach 5th grade for nothing. which, BTW, i really do like being a teacher...but i've about had it with having to be a responsible adult. i want to go swimming every day and play drinking games every night. and travel the world.

but thats enough about me! time for the thumb game to commence. on your marks....get set....go!

what do you get when you put kate and jess together?

2006-02-19T16:22:00.000-06:00

a staph infection in your eye?

because thats what i have. well, not in my eye, persay, more like around my eye. causing every movement of my eye to be extremely painful.

needless to say, this has not been a fun weekend. i tried to be a trooper friday night, but the staph won out. and now i have been laying on my couch/bed for over 24 hours straight. and tomorrow, i'm pretty sure i'll be getting this baby cut open by an opthamologist. happy monday to me!

so thats my story. i'm extremely bored, and very drugged up. you should all send me funny stories and jokes to brighten my life.

i'm baaaaaaaack

2006-02-08T18:25:00.000-06:00

walaa! thanks to blogspots cool "forgot your username?" feature, i am now logged in and ready to blog.

sorry about the delay. i spent about a month of my life trying to figure out how to get internet without having to pay time warner. it never did work out, so now i'm just putting a hex on every check i send them. i know, its no excuse. but all my neighbors are antisocial and put passwords on their wireless internet. bastards.

so, let's see...whats new in my life... well, i've mostly been working. you know, teaching and playing dr. phil to a bunch of messed up 5th graders and their crazy ass parents who like to sleep around...with eachother. same old same old. oh, and i directed my first play performance last night, it was a success of course. aside from the girl who accidently mooned everyone on stage. oh well, at least the audience didn't have a clue.

TAKS testing starts in a couple of weeks, so we had our yearly training today. as of this year, teachers are not allowed to grade papers, read a book, or do anything on our computers during testing. we are also not allowed to look at the tests or communicate directly with any particular student while they are taking the test. we are not allowed to say anything that is not explicity stated in our handy booklet of instructions. lets hear it for high stakes testing! woohoo. shoot me.

last weekend i joined a gym, installed my own cable internet, and bought some tax software. i then realized that i am becoming old. so i bought a bottle of wine and drank my sorrows away. its crazy how much wine i've been buying now that i live next to heb. just call me kate neu. or ryan h. or ryan m. or lisa.

alright. thats about all i have for tonight.

dammit

2006-01-02T07:36:00.000-06:00

an overview of the past twelve hours of my life:

-i hate chicago/o'hare airport. the few flights i have taken out of there have had something wrong with them. i also hate newark airport, because i generally just hate new jersey.

what i'm trying to say is that my flight was delayed due to plane availability, and instead of getting home at 10:30, i got home somewhere around 1 am. which, all in all, i guess isn't terrible, but it did suck because i was planning on getting a lot of packing done last night, and by 1 i was just tired. then, an extra little kick: they lost my suitcase. supposedly they will be finding it and delivering today. we'll see.

and the final kicker: there is something in my kitchen, in sadie's almost empty bag of dogfood. i'm pretty sure its either a mouse or a giant cockroach. i'm leaning towards mouse because it was very loud....and i freaked out last night. i ended up sleeping with all the lights on, and even then i only slept about two hours.

now i'm up and getting ready to move. whoohoo today is going to rock my socks off.

i love all of you.

nyc

2005-12-31T10:19:00.000-06:00

i know many of you probably woke up this morning thinking, man, i wonder how lisa is doing. and so now i am going to tell you: i'm doing great! i'm in nyc. its snowing just a little tiny bit right now, and i'm working off a hangover. i hope to be out of bed before 4pm today.

two nights ago we went to a bar called bourbon street. it was like a bizzaro logans, i kid you not. except the beers were much much smaller and came in convenient lightweight plastic mugs instead of those 3 pounder glasses they hand you at real logans. the music was the same, everything from santa monica to come on eileen. and, you couldn't move it was so crowded. so thats just like logans. really, the only difference was the assortment of dirty bras hanging on the wall behind the bar. i still don't really get that. and, when we left, we went to bizzaro roppolos. except it was much better, and i had two slices of real ny pizza. so deliciious! p.s. don't judge me about that whole two slices thing. i was so hungry!

so then yesterday, vtranman and i slept/layed around/WATCHED AN SVU MARATHON until 4 pm, when our kind host collin thought it would be nice to get us out of the apt. we went to a cuban place for lunch, came back, and hung out with NEEL!!!!!

i'm really hoping for a spot in the xanga....so far, no updates...but we'll see.

last night we went to another bar, bull mcgabes or something like that. there are two things worth mentioning about last night: the first is that we played thunderstruck!! it was just like sophomore year at JC again. woohoo!

the second is on a sadder note. but you will probably all think its funny because you are sadistic bitches. i was trying to be cute and classy for nyc, so i wore some cute shoes out last night. remember how many times i twisted my ankles this summer in flip flops? i seriously don't know what my problem is. and the sad thing is, i did really well last night on not falling, and then i was sitting on a stool at the bar, and i went to get up, and my heels were stuck in the stool. so i landed on my right knee on the floor. it hurts like a bitch this morning.

photos to come soon!

way cool fun blog things

2005-12-16T19:43:00.000-06:00

i'm not sure what to make of this...

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Blind Alchemist.

Where You Lived: Burma.

How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

tv tonight

2005-12-05T05:47:00.000-06:00

arrested development is back on fox tonight. woohooo!

i am freezing. ick.

happy december everybody!

2005-12-04T15:54:00.000-06:00

reasons why this weekend is going to be totally awesome:

thursday= my bday
friday= benny d, katie, and megan all come in to town, we party like its 1999 (or, we party like its my birthday...remember the 50 cent song)
saturday= ice skating on top of whole foods by day, graduation partying it up at the yenny household by night.
sunday= pancakes, hashbrowns, and recovery.

i'm so excited, i didn't even drink this whole weekend. or at least, i didn't get drunk this whole weekend.

in other news...i just found out that i am going to need to move out in february. the owner of my condo is moving back in, and thats when my lease is up. whose idea was the whole 6month lease thing? hmmm. i think it was mine actually. but the good news is, that i can move out earlier and she won't charge me double rent or charge me for breaking the lease. so, it will be kind of nice if i can find a place less expensive then the one i'm at now (which shouldn't be too hard...). so be on the lookout for good apartments for me! you do not want me to be homeless.

b-l-o-g

2005-11-30T22:06:00.000-06:00

why doesn't anyone blog regularly anymore? i'm very bored with you people.

here are some fun blogging ideas:

1. just have a few cocktails. i usually find it easy to blog once my BAC is going steady. except for those tiny spelling errors. but you know.

2. talk about the psychological problems of your coworkers. oh wait, todd's covered that several times over.

3. complain about whatever is pissing you off today.

4. write about how cool lisa is, and how excited you are to be friends with her.

5. write some poetry. like a haiku or an acrostic.

tomorrow is DECEMBER! woooo. i think you all know what that means!!

p.s. i just saw on the news that this woman got the very first ever face transplant. she doesn't look like her donor, and she doesn't look like herself either. think about that.

party till its 1994

2005-11-27T02:36:00.000-06:00

yeah thats fing right we will aparty till its 1994.

TONIGHT here's what happened:

1;. el arroyo- megan and i told kate neu about our secret desire to tongue-kiss jess dunkle. naked. with groping and fondling. she said "hell yeah girls, rock on!". we said "jk, kate, jk". she said "wtf?" we said "kate chill out"

2. we drove to downtown. girls night hell yes.

3. mexican/german national hits on kate. he says, with an accent "i love your red jackent and red skirt" "i love you and i want you to come to spill with me" kate keeps wal;king , and megan says " yeah you just wait here" to which the guy replies "i will wait here for HER (points to kate) i will not wait for you!

3.5 we drank a giganto martini at jackelope and played erotic ophoto hunt.

4. gay men love kate's stlye. or they are making fun of it i don't know

5. we saw puneet! i love that guy. i really do.

6. tiny dancer makes me really nostalgic. i need a hug.

7. this is the best part of my whole story, so you should be glad you stuc k around for this:

we had to pee. oh wait, i should back up. at the begiinning of the night we had to pee, and kn and i peed in the parking garage. which is cool, expcept for the fact that kate neu dropped her phone into a puddle of her own urine!! HAHA that is funny.

then, when we are leaving DT, kn and me and megan all have to pee. kn and megan put their purses on top of megan's car and proceed to get ready for some peeing. ii keep my purse and squat. then these guys who were following us run over to us and run away again. my immediate thought is that they are taking a picture of us. which sucks, but what the hell are we going to do about that. then, megan tells us "kate, they stole your purse!". and she runs off. i finish peeing, and i look over and i say "holy shit kate she wasn't lying, they did steal your purse!" and kate says "lemme finish peeing real quick". 5-10 minutes later, kate and i start running after the perps. i went the wrong direction, but it turned out ok bc megan caught those ococksuckers. i hate them. they did steal kates purse, and megan got it back bec she is a heero. i love her.

but sresiouy., who steals pruses. i'm getting tired so i'mg going to go to bed. goodnight.

reasons why i should not have children anytime soon

2005-11-25T09:16:00.000-06:00

it seems like an odd title for a post, but just hear me out here. in my profession, i spend a good deal of my time around people who think that it is completely normal, and even expected for 22/23 year old young ladies to be married and getting started on the babies. i for one have always thought that was absurd. case in point, myself.

the thing is, i forgot to feed my dog yesterday.on thanksgiving of all days! which leads me to my next point, i am still drunk from thanksgiving. seriously.

i feel terrible. i have never before forgotten to feed anyone. and getting back to my original point, that is why i should not have any babies right now. i might get drunk and forget to feed them. and whereas my dog is being pretty nice about the whole thing, i don't think a baby would be so patient and forgiving.

i'm sure you all agree with me. thank you.

now, onto the second matter of businnes: what in the hell happened last night. how many times have i told you people not to hand me bottles of vodka to take pulls from? i will do it. and then it gets not pretty. all i know, is that i woke up around 5 this morning to go hang out with the toilet, and megan asked me who put us in my bed. i think it was at that point that i realized that i too did not know how we got here. i still don't know.

here's what i remember: (not particularly in any particular order)
hanging out outside with people
hanging out in the kitchen
todd hands me blue raspberry vodka, i drink.
ryan mustard tells me i can't eat any mashed potatoes.
i secretly vow to myself to steal mashed potatoes once ryan is sleeping.

now, here is the game we are going to play: YOU my adoring readers get to fill in the blanks. okk, go!

i'm sober now

2005-11-06T19:30:00.000-06:00

and its about damn time. its been a rough weekend for my liver.

team chopped beef (at least the female half) experienced a triumphant return across two amazing concerts this weekend. last night's experience led kate neu and i to conclude today that the three of us out drinking is an incredibly lethal combination. as it turns out, the three of us are complete boozehounds that can and will outdrink any of you. then, we'll drive ourselves home, thankyouverymuch.

and now, its time for my weekly sunday night transition from wannabe nostalgic college student back to 5th grade teacher. here we go!

when facebook has gone too far

2005-11-02T18:40:00.000-06:00

don't get me wrong, i love facebook. however, while perusing the internet this evening, i came across a few things that made me think, hmm, people are taking facebook a little too seriously.

1. facebook is not the place to express your condolences when a friend's parent passes away. its called TACT people. get some.

2. i am quite tired of the people that use their facebook page solely as a place to gush about how great their engagement/marraige is. or how much they love cooking for their fiance/husband. or how much they love the new house their fiance just bought for them.

thats about all i have for today. i'm way excited about the return of team chopped beef this weekend. viva la chopped beef!

i am being attacked by cockroaches

2005-10-30T01:25:00.000-06:00

i just came home thinking that this would be a great night to catch up on my sleep, what with the fact that i just gained an hour of my life back AND i'm completely sober. however, i guess since i have not been home too much this weekend, a few cockroaches have decided to take over my apt. they are slowly dying and twitching about on the floor, and i am too scared to get up because i would have to step over them. seriously, i know i'm like 89000 times their size, plus they are breathing in the sweet fumes of floral scented raid, but i am pretty sure that if i tried to walk past them/step over them they would jump on me and crawl on me with their nasty legs.

oooh! update. sadie has just decided to attack one. woooo. i knew there was a reason i got a dog. shit now she's got the damn thing in her mouth. that, by the way, is my number one fear: cockroaches in my mouth. i would be out first on fear factor if that were my event.

now, what this blog was really going to be about, before the cockroaches started ruining my life once again:
after some experiences with alcohol over the past few weekends, i've decided to set a few goals for myself. the first of which involves remembering things that happen/people i hang out with/conversations that i have. i have no idea how i'm going to work on it...but i will. my second goal is to stay awake longer. i'm a big fan of passing out, but i seem to be missing out on fun events. or getting put to bed against my will. you can help this one by a)not putting me to bed and b)giving me a friendly reminder to wake up and start remembering things. thanks.

what did you have for dinner tonight?

2005-10-20T21:09:00.000-05:00

i had chicken and squash.

want to know what my dog had?

oh, a dead squirrel.

if the mental image of that grosses you out, you should think about the smell. whatever you are thinking, it is much much worse.

i need another painkillers and daquiri night.

welcome to my life

2005-10-16T21:58:00.000-05:00

two actual homework assignments i graded today:
(they had to turn their spelling words into a story)

may i suggest that you read them outloud to fully appreciate the complete ridiculousness.

Number One:

One day in a tropical European empire there was a drowsy hypnotic grouch that was putting on ointment. The guards said that he was snobbish, he also was very intense when he ate pistachio ice cream. He was in a dog kennel with only a diary in his hand. The diary said that "I have a prettier valentine than you." We also found out that he was seventh in the state for doing extreme biking. So we had to ask him the question, "What were your communities when you were growing up?" He replied with continuous moans that were very disturbing. So we showed him a diagram with all the communities in the world so he could pick it out. He thought it was very adequate. So after we were done with the whole thing we had to take him under custody.

And number two: (which makes even less sense if you can imagine that)

Sally went over to Perry's house for an apology about breaking her military search books. "Ding dong," the unpleasant sight of pedigree dog food with bugs in it took all the atmosphere away. Perry opened the door with a "how to be bilingual" book in her hand. "Good job," said her nephew Sammy as he tried to learn how to talk. "Sally," said Perry, "come in." Sally could hear Sam in the background, "leverage," he said. Sally tried speaking, but whenever she did Perry's mom would interrupt with the exact words, "Honey, get me the aspirin." Then when she finally spoke Perry said it too. "I'm sorry!" So at about 5:00 pm after being there an hour their favorite song came on: "Locomotive yearning ancestor!" went the song. They went into the lake later, after the song was over. Perry's xebec was filled with seaweed and moss. Sally finally went home and was able to ask her brother for the vocabulary words for homework. She was so gracious, the ultraviolet sound of her dad's wooden desk making class didn't even annoy her. Because she had her best friend again.

what should i be for halloween?

2005-10-10T17:40:00.000-05:00

I'm getting a bit desperate here, so I'm opening this up for suggestions. Good suggestions only, please- none of this "sexy firefighter" or "slice of ham from a club sandwich" shit. I couldn't find my teenaged mutant ninja turtles pictures from two halloweens ago, but you should just know that they were badass. I have a lot to live up to, people.

And, I just wanted to include this picture because I am still in awe of these costumes. Although, if memory serves me correctly, meatwad ended up running around in his boxer briefs anyway. Except, replace "running around" with "d-humping". And add, "with Johnny Appleseed".

In other news... my car is broken. If anyone would like to sign up to drive me places, that is would be cool with me. Currently, I really need to pick up some stuff at teacher heaven.

BEN FOLDS

2005-10-05T18:40:00.000-05:00

Megan just sent me the best email ever. Ben Folds is coming to Austin. I am elated. I have been waiting for this day since 8th grade. I'm too excited to blog.

No, wait, I take that back. I'm elated, but I'm never to excited to blog. I have to go to the principal's office in the morning. I really shouldn't be nervous, but it still is a little scary. I went to talk to her about a certain thing, and she was like, well, actually i have to head out, but i was meaning to talk to you about that, and also another thing, so why don't you come to my office tomorrow morning at the beginning of your planning period? Hmmm.

potatoes, anyone?

2005-10-03T23:04:00.000-05:00

i have this 10 lb bag of potatoes that i got for free. i could probably figure out something to make with them, but i don't like the thought of eating ten pounds of potatoes on my own. so, if you'd like to sign up for a potato, just let me know.

in other news...i had a totally frustrating experience at HEB today. i was in a big rush because i went on my lunch break from this teacher workshop thing i was at, and i would have been fine, except long lines formed just as i was ready to check out. then, mr. smarty pants cashier decided to ring up my groceries out of order. those of you present for the OCD convo a few weeks ago know what i'm talking about here. i organize my groceries on the conveyor belt because i am anal about how they are bagged. i figure, if i organize them into bags on the conveyor belt then it is hard to mess up the bagging too much. however, this young gentleman today decided to reach for the middle and start with produce. what in the hell.

i'm over it. but i'm not letting that guy ring up my groceries again.

potato...potahto. goulet!

goodnight.

Pictures!

2005-10-01T08:47:00.000-05:00

i'm branching out in the world of blogging in an effort to bring you a visual of my life. or at least, my life last weekend. unfortunately, due to a freak purse accident, my digital camera was run over and no longer works. (for details, see previous post- i believe its titled "why my life sucks").

anyhoo, megan brought this super awesome camera to ACL. it was the first on the scene to capture live shots of our deaf sister hazel cover band, inspired by the sign interpreters at ACL. (its hard to say what it is i see in you, wonder if i'll always be with you!) katie's on guitar, obviously, megan's on drums, and i'm on the tiny tiny synthesizer. tour dates TBA.

these next two pics are from day 3, at coldplay.

we somehow ended up standing in back of this group of gigantic frat dudes. among them was the tallest person i have ever seen in my life. megan had him take some pictures of the stage, since we sure as hell could not see anything. look at this picture, and keep in mind that the guy taking it is holding the camera at his eye level. can you guess what song they were playing? if you guessed yellow, you were right.

this is the end of day 3. i call this picture, "hot girls!". you can take that to mean whatever you want to.

i'm old now

2005-09-28T21:03:00.000-05:00

i just filled out this survey online about ACL, so maybe i can win a pair of VIP passes for next year. i really think i have a chance, because i have the best luck of anyone i know.

for the first time ever, i was able to check off "bachelor's degree" under highest level of education completed. then, it asked about income, and i actually have a real salary now, so i got to check off a box there too. and i realized that i am kinda grown up.

another funny thing, i never used the bathrooms at ACL. i think it was a combination of dehydration and my opposition to port-o-potties. anyway, there were several questions on the survey about using the bathrooms (waiting in line, convenience, general cleanliness), and i had to check off "did not participate" on each. i found that slightly amusing.

in other news, there's a big sexual harrassment scandal going on at my school right now. not with teachers, with kids. my kids. sound fun? well, you don't know fun until you've had to talk about what constitutes sexual harrassment with a bunch of 10 year olds.

Things not to do at ACL, part 2

2005-09-26T17:49:00.000-05:00

3. If its the hottest day of the year (108 degrees or so), and you're spending the entire day outside- and not just being outside, but dancing and jumping around in the heat and running around from stage to stage- DO NOT forget to eat some food at some point. Otherwise, you might suffer from unpleasant stomach pains and fever later on in the night.

But really, all in all, it was an awesome festival. I hope those of you at HCL had just as good of a time as I did. A few of my favorite performances: (in no particular order)

1. death cab for cutie
buy your tickets now to see them in november at stubbs.
2. oasis
singing along to champagne supernova, wonderwall, and don't look back in anger really took me all the way back to middle school. priceless.
3. arcade fire
katie, megan and i jumped around for their entire hour long set (during the hottest part of the hottest day of the year). we even opened up a dance floor right in front of the cingular stage. so fun, i wanted to take them all home with me.
4. coldplay
ok, i already had a great deal of respect for coldplay prior to seeing them live...but i had NO IDEA just how incredible they are as performers. one of the best shows i've ever seen, and it was wonderful to hear chris martin talk about how great ACL is.

Things not to do at ACL

2005-09-25T09:20:00.000-05:00

1. Powerhour on the way there

Its hot, and its going to be a long day. You do NOT need 3 beers in 20 minutes to jumpstart the fun. In fact, the only thing that 3 beers in 20 minutes will jumpstart is the dehydration. And the passing out.

2. Take a nap

I'm pretty sure this whole nap thing could sometimes work, but there are some things you need to ask yourself before you pass out on the ground. 1) Is Oasis the next band on stage, or for that matter any other popular headlining band that people are going to start crowding around to wait for? 2) Is it about to get dark outside, making it hard for these Oasis fans to see you passed out on the ground as they start crowding the stage?

If you answered yes to both questions, I would recommend that you not take said nap. Otherwise, there is a great possibility that you will wake up to someone stepping on your head. Maybe even your eyeball. And that, my friends, is an extremely unpleasant way to be woken up.

Slurricane Rita

2005-09-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

....is pissing me off.

We're a bit hurricaned-out here in the gulf coast area, why don't you go hit up California or Maine? Or, if you are going to come to Texas, could you please not f-ing come on the one weekend that I have been looking forward to for an entire year? SERIOUSLY.

And I know, I know I'm being selfish here. But this is my blog, so shut it. If you want happier posts, you should probably check out xanga. I hear they've got this sappy sweet walk down memory lane thing going on.

I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm way cranky, and I'm pretty sure that Jess Dunkle stole/finished off my last bottle of Crown. Damn you jess dunkle.

If ACL does get canceled, is anyone down with having a margarita party? I know its obvious and unoriginal...but I still think it could be great fun. Or, maybe we could just road trip (evacuee style) up to vegas and get us some real slurricanes and/or ritas. Thoughts?

Its called an inside joke

2005-09-17T09:13:00.000-05:00

And you, Todd and Jess (or should i say, Rodd and Jeff) were on the outside. Chill out. Your latest blog entries were about ceramic fruit trees and staph infections, respectively, so I don't think either of the two of you have room to talk in the cool blogging department.

Here's something for you to ponder, straight from 5th grade. We're talking about Roanoke (the lost colony), and about how the only clue to why everyone dissappeared was the word "croatoan" etched onto a tree. Well, my kids all start saying they know what that is (wow, you guys just solved a 400 year old mystery! thanks!), and I finally realize that they are all talking about Croatians. SO, I explain how thats not the same thing, and the big deal here is that no one knows what croatoan means. This causes an uproar, and about 5 kids at the same time just look at me and ask "why don't they just look it up?". To which I reply, um, its not in a dictionary. NO ONE knows what it means. Then they ask me (very seriously) "yeah, but can't they just look it up on the internet?"

So, America....what we are now dealing with is an entire generation that thinks that the answers to all questions can be easily found by googling. Think about that while you sip your coffee this morning. Or diet coke, as the case may be.

P.S. strawberry daquiris + pain pills + crown and coke zero + scary movies = a fantastically good time. i highly recommend the combination.

P.P.S. if any of you readers out there have small children, I do not recommend bringing them to the blockbuster on koenig and burnet, ever. tron, the guy behind the counter, definitely made a "hanging small children" reference last night. it was awkard and scary.

Outta Control

2005-09-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

Whew, long day. Woke up at 4:30 am, left for work before 6. I ate breakfast on the way, because its a long drive- about 45 minutes.

I had a lean pocket for lunch (at 12:20), it was pretty good. I haven't hit the gym hard in a long time, so I'm trying to cut back on calories.

I've been looking online at shirts and stuff. I might order one. I'll let you know if I do.

So, tonights been pretty low key. Its wierd, but I like it. Just drinking water. Talked to Kate Neu for a bit, we gossiped about our latest mutual crush. I think she's going to steal him though, she's got this great surprise date planned.

Well, thats about it. I spend about 80% of my time these days blogging, the rest working, eating, or sleeping. So I'm pretty busy. But if you call me, I'll probably talk to you. If you're cool.

Missing the Party

2005-09-11T04:27:00.000-05:00

Do your friends ever put you to bed extremely early at a a party, and then wake you up when its all over? Thats what happened to me tonight, and let me tell you, it kind of sucks. Apparently maybe I needed it, what with the fact that I extremely needed some sleep, and I am having severe trouble typing this post (the title started out as " ,oddomh yjthe patyl", or something similarly bad). However, its still very confusing and disarming to me. I'm not sure if disarming is the right word here, but I'm going to keep it.

The thing is, its really wierd to wake up hours later and find out that everyone has left, and that you missed an entire game of scene it (that you know you would have dominated), and now everyone is going to bed. So what if I had a lot of beer during that game. It was an intense game. And hey, my beer drinking apparently paid off, because we did win. Unfortunately, now I am home, and I realize that most of my friends were apparently out celebrating the big win downtown.

Here's the plan for tomorrow: a little breakfast, sobriety, maybe a movie- things like that. Call me if you are down. Or just leave comments on my blog. I check those more than I would like to admit.

P.S. Todd, don't think I have forgotten about the whole crabs thing. You'll get whats coming to you. Ohhh yes.

And now, a tribute to me

2005-08-25T19:09:00.000-05:00

Or... reasons why this has been the least favorite month of my life:

1. broken cell phone
2. moving
3. starting work
3a. waking up at 4:30 am every morning
3b. completely supporting myself
3c. working 12ish hour days
4. being out of money, completely, about a week before my first payday (see 3b)
5. coming home to no electricity the night before my first day of school as a teacher
6. dog throwing up ridiculous amounts
7. sewage problem in my bathroom at school (if you think this is not a big deal, you should try smelling some sewage)
8. speeding ticket in cedar park
9. broke someone else's kitchen appliance (who shall remain nameless until i actually tell them about it)
10. purse got run over today. phone and camera are broken. luckily its the extra loaner phone from cingular that i'm pretty sure they don't know i have. hopefully. but i am really sad about the camera. and my purse. i loved that purse so much.

So there. Check back with me in September, I'm pretty confident that that month will be better than this one.

the new kate...aka, kate neu.

2005-08-11T23:12:00.000-05:00

When I first heard of Kate, we called her the new kate for a while. After all, there were several katies and another kate ahead of her, and none of us really knew her last name. Imagine our surprise when the new Kate's name turned out to be Kate Neu. Ahhh, those were the days.

I never pictured myself as much of the blogger type, but Kate Neu's recent Odea/Ode inspired me to do a little return tribute blogging of my own. First up, Kate Neu, in a compilation of haikus.

Ahhhh hem...

Long hair and short skirts
Platform sandals make her tall
Hope she does not fall.

Smoking pot in cars
Results in unemployment.
Kate Neu taught me this.

We went to vegas
Slurricanes in the morning
Then the topless pool.

Nights of summertime
Many I don't remember
Kate will remind me.

Oh martini night
Sugar rims taste oh so good.
Kate will drink them all.

Our friends move away
But Kate Neu and I will stay
Thank goodness for that.